Earlier today I was in the car with a friend who was talking about a fellow mother and all the things that another Mom could be doing differently in order to help the development of her child. The whole time I was just cringing. My friend certainly means well and is an incredible person, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would feel if someone talked about my parenting like that.
Parenting opened a whole can of insecurities for me. And I don’t think I am crazy. I think so many of us judge one another. It’s almost natural. Not good, but natural. Sometimes we get into the thought process that if WE were in that situation, we would do X, Y, and Z and it would all be better. It’s true, I see a friend with a trouble and bite my tongue because I am convinced I have the earth shattering answer. That my skills would fix it.
But the fact is, they can’t.
That Mama knows her child and what is unique to her family. So who am I to cast judgement?
That is why I want to create the “Mama, I’ve Got Your Back” Pact. I want to make a few promises to all you fellow Mamas. I am promising not to talk about your parenting choices unless I feel they are jeopardizing your child. Not only will I not gossip, but if I start to judge before I even open my mouth, I plan to take a moment and think about how YOU know what’s best for YOUR child.
I’d love for you to join me in this promise as well (comment below and show your commitment). Please also post this to your Facebook Wall to let your friends know about this promise you are making. I bet it brings many friends a lot of comfort to know that someone trusts their instincts.
Bloggers, if you are writing about you making this pact, please link up below! (you are also welcome to use the image).
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I love this.
I totally agree! There is so much chatter about what you’re supposed to do, leading to a whole lot of judgment and guilty feelings. We need to trust not only ourselves, but other mamas, too!
Love it! I get so tired of Mommy Wars. It’s hard being a mom and we need to stick together and offer support, not judgment and criticism.
Love it. I’ve got your back <3
Amen! I’m in.
I like this. Some times it is hard because mommyhood is my “job” and it is hard to step back and see the person next to me with out trying to fix the “problem” I see.
What a beautiful reminder.
I have a mom’s support group committed to this very thing. Do you mind if we use this image as our FB page photo? It’s a private group so only members can see it. Did you write the poem? It’s beautiful!
Hi Alicia,
Thanks for the sweet comments. You are welcome to post the article on the group page, if that is what you mean. As far as having it be the profile photo, I think that actually goes against FB rules because my website address is on there. But thanks for asking! And yeah, I wrote the poem. Thanks so much!
This is exactly my thoughts on the subject. And I don’t think your crazy, either. I, too, feel a lot of insecurities. Everywhere I turn, I see snarky comments made about other mothers or how they could do it so much better. And I wonder what snarky comments are said about me. I shudder to think of it. I by no means am saying that we should ignore when a parent is obviously abusing or neglecting their child. But taking a step back and saying “You know, this mother knows her child better than I do so I really don’t know what I’m talking about,” would do the whole Mommy community a lot of good. I was reading a book the other day, Herland by Gillman, and there was a sentence that really struck a melancholy chord with me: “where there’s motherhood you don’t find sisterhood.” I find that is depressingly accurate. I intend to change that in my own life and am so thankful that there are others like me. Thank you.
I’m with you!! I love this. We as moms need to take a collective step back and just realize that we should judge others, because they are probably judging us.
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We should support each other instead of doing all this judging. Parenting is hard enough without it!
making the pledge to not judge, just support one another as parents ♥
i think alot of times judgements are just insecurities we see in ourselves or mistakes we are afraid of making
really we are all just doing the best we know how
yes! women can be so catty. i want to teach my daughter by example that it’s not okay to treat people badly